A palliative
nurse recorded the most common regrets of the dying and put her findings into a
book called ‘The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.’ It’s not surprising to see
what made the list, as they are all things that touch each of our lives as we
struggle to pay attention to and make time for things that we truly love. Below
is the list of each regret along with an excerpt from the book.
At the bottom is also a link to the book for anyone interested in
checking it out.
One thing on regret
before we get to the list- It’s important to remember that whatever stage we
are at in life, there is no need for regret. The process of regret is one that
provides nothing but suffering for ourselves as we begin to allow the past to
dictate how we should feel now. Instead, we can use the past as a reference
point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward. The
adjustments do not have to come out of pain, sorrow, regret or judgment, but
simply a choice to do things in a different way. We are learning all the time,
we can very quickly slow that learning process down by getting stuck in the
idea of regret. When it comes to making changes, be at peace with the past and
remember that each moment is a new choice. – Joe Martino (April, 2013).
1. I
wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others
expected of me.
“This was the
most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over
and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled.
Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing
that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom
very few realize, until they no longer have it.”
2. I
wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from
every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their
partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from
an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All
of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the
treadmill of a work existence.”
3. I
wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people
suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they
settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable
of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment
they carried as a result.”
4. I
wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they
would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying
weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so
caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over
the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time
and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are
dying.”
5. I
wish that I had let myself be happier.
”This is
a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is
a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called
‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their
physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their
selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly
and have silliness in their life again.”
I myself, Laurie, will add that I wish MJ was legal in every state recreationally. To help people understand the wonder of Marijuana, I am thankful I had the guts to try it and stand up and say something about the benefits. =)