How my mood is altered after I puff.
7:25 am
Anxiety level - 9
I feel shaky with anxiety and on the verge of tears. I just watched my husband leave for his job that he absolutely hates. I know we have so much to be grateful for, but looking for a new job can be sooo stressful. Hours of searching through job postings to find the decent ones, filling out applications online, trying to get time off work for interviews without raising suspicion from the boss, rejection letters, waiting to hear back from other hopefuls, drug tests, on and on! : (
On top of everything we have other strains and stresses of every day life. I don't know what I would do without weed. I feel like my heart would explode from anxiety sometimes. My head wouldn't be able to settle itself from worry long enough to think. My nerves would just take over.
7:37 am
Anxiety Level - 7ish
We all have our way of dealing. I don't want to miss out on life because of stress, but sometimes that can't be done on my own. MJ helps manage my stress and pain...that's the extent of what it means to be "high" on marijuana–feeling better naturally and non-addictively. I'll say it again, you can't get addicted to weed. Watch the documentary "Super High Me" about a guy who's followed by the cameras for 30 days smoking weed every day and 30 days not, completely not addicted whatsoever. We've heard of the physical medical benefits of MJ, but what about all of the mental benefits as well?
I've mentioned that this blog is simply my true feelings about MJ; how I feel it can benefit anyone–especially moms (and dads). If my kids were to read it someday, I wouldn't write anything I didn't really believe. Maybe people change their minds or change themselves, but right now, as of 2013 I am thankful to have weed–thankful for anyone who has weed. I'm sure a more pleasant run-in with the fellow having a little 420 than the fellow using bottles, powders, pills, and probably even most sober! Yes, it's my experience that people who smoke MJ are more pleasant, happy and funny; who wouldn't want to be around that?
I'll also tell you the lucky kiddo indeed who's mom and dad refrain from the pills, powders and bottles and stick to a natural plant for stress relief. What fun conversations and inquisitive talks to have. I'm so thankful to know when I have to talk to my teens about the birds 'n' the bees, life realities, relating in general–I can do so after a puff! I'm also thankful my kids won't know their mom or dad to ever be alcoholics. We don't drink. Don't need to! MJ takes away all the stress that leads to the "need" to drink in the first place. Alcohol was in my family growing up; I know alcohol can be destructive and detrimental. It is my true opinion that Marijuana (once legal) will be able to help families.
MJ really is also like a truth elixir–I'm usually more apt to say how I really feel when I have a puff, almost like a new-found confidence and assuredness in speaking and communicating with others. Yes, sometimes I giggle uncontrollably. But usually, I am able to feel calm and interact with others even better because I am in higher spirits, my nerves are relaxed and my mind balanced with more clarity. Unfortunately for me, I can't tell my true feelings to my other very Christian family members–they would think me very un-Christian, and probably try to host some sort of Intervention. So it's a catch 22.
I'll also tell you the lucky kiddo indeed who's mom and dad refrain from the pills, powders and bottles and stick to a natural plant for stress relief. What fun conversations and inquisitive talks to have. I'm so thankful to know when I have to talk to my teens about the birds 'n' the bees, life realities, relating in general–I can do so after a puff! I'm also thankful my kids won't know their mom or dad to ever be alcoholics. We don't drink. Don't need to! MJ takes away all the stress that leads to the "need" to drink in the first place. Alcohol was in my family growing up; I know alcohol can be destructive and detrimental. It is my true opinion that Marijuana (once legal) will be able to help families.
MJ really is also like a truth elixir–I'm usually more apt to say how I really feel when I have a puff, almost like a new-found confidence and assuredness in speaking and communicating with others. Yes, sometimes I giggle uncontrollably. But usually, I am able to feel calm and interact with others even better because I am in higher spirits, my nerves are relaxed and my mind balanced with more clarity. Unfortunately for me, I can't tell my true feelings to my other very Christian family members–they would think me very un-Christian, and probably try to host some sort of Intervention. So it's a catch 22.
Anxiety can sure be overwhelming. But even now as I write, "high"...I just feel happy about the good things in life–instead of being overwhelmed by the bad and worries. Somehow I can relax for a couple hours enough to still fully function (fold laundry, prepare dinner, water the garden, play games with kiddos, even talk to my mom on the phone) and give my stress and worry a break so they don't take over. No, my mom does not know about my 420 status, and she can't tell whatsoever on the phone that I am any "different." I mean, c'mon–my own mom? I'm sure if I were drunk she would certainly know!
Weed doesn't impair, it levitates the inner thoughts wanting to come out and be heard which we usually keep suppressed. I want to feel happy 24/7 just because and not have anxiety and worry–but that's just not reality. I need MJ to help manage my stress. When I puff, I tend to think less about myself and have empathy for others–people losing their homes or businesses, having major health issues, cancer patients, women in third world countries, people surviving car accidents, those who are literally without sight, without limbs or the ability to walk...What about parents who have lost a child? Things I sit and take for granted?
No.
I will be grateful for my life because it is mine. Who's definition justifies who is "worse or better" off? We must find our own treasure in pursuit of trying for a better future, building amazing friendships, creating fun memories, taking the step of marriage and children if it's right, embarking on new ideas, continually learning, over-coming trials, and realizing life truly is what you make of it. The reason we were made was not to bring glory to ourselves and so we can live great lives, but so God will be most glorified. Sometimes we can be doing everything right and we can be happy and joyful, but we won't always see the blessings here on earth. Many blessings will not come on earth but once we are in Heaven.
I know I have to deal as best I can with my hand in life; my mistakes included. I want to do the best I can. Doesn't mean I'll be perfect. I don't expect myself to be or I will hate myself at the end of the day when I don't live up. Somehow I've got to just hug myself for doing my best, even if I "mess up" or "fail" sometimes along the way. I think a reason it's probably so hard to think God will forgive us no matter what is because it's hard for us to forgive others as well as ourselves. That's why forgiveness is so important though, it's actually vital to a happy life.
No one really has a "meter" that gauges how they are doing in life. We are all kind of guessing. But if you're out there working and trying to survive while having some fun and just being a good person along the way, then good for you. If you aren't hurting other people or any living creatures, you are blessed with empathy, compassion and a good heart and are wealthy in that alone. After I puff... I guess I feel sort of ungrateful if I let worry take over. I can say, well at least I have a healthy, happy little baby with no known medical issues. At least I live in America and have running water, constant electricity, paved roads, hospitals a plenty, generally police who aren't corrupt, rights and freedom. I can go to the store and pretty much buy any food or beverage I can think of. I have a toilet that just flushes. I have all these things, which to some people in the world are so extravagant and out of reach they can't even begin to imagine what it would be like.
And I suppose even if me or my daughter wound up with a medical condition, I would have to still be grateful during the darkest hours and the hardest trials as I find gratitude. Perhaps gratitude for health insurance to be able to try and heal the ailments, MJ + organic foods to fight off toxins, family nearby to help out...I would have to find something to be grateful for, or else I would fall apart. Weed steps in when I just can't fight my self-doubt any longer. Sometimes my faith is rock solid and sometimes it's just plain rocky. But I know I'm trying. I'm far from perfect, but I'm trying.
Weed doesn't impair, it levitates the inner thoughts wanting to come out and be heard which we usually keep suppressed. I want to feel happy 24/7 just because and not have anxiety and worry–but that's just not reality. I need MJ to help manage my stress. When I puff, I tend to think less about myself and have empathy for others–people losing their homes or businesses, having major health issues, cancer patients, women in third world countries, people surviving car accidents, those who are literally without sight, without limbs or the ability to walk...What about parents who have lost a child? Things I sit and take for granted?
No.
I will be grateful for my life because it is mine. Who's definition justifies who is "worse or better" off? We must find our own treasure in pursuit of trying for a better future, building amazing friendships, creating fun memories, taking the step of marriage and children if it's right, embarking on new ideas, continually learning, over-coming trials, and realizing life truly is what you make of it. The reason we were made was not to bring glory to ourselves and so we can live great lives, but so God will be most glorified. Sometimes we can be doing everything right and we can be happy and joyful, but we won't always see the blessings here on earth. Many blessings will not come on earth but once we are in Heaven.
I know I have to deal as best I can with my hand in life; my mistakes included. I want to do the best I can. Doesn't mean I'll be perfect. I don't expect myself to be or I will hate myself at the end of the day when I don't live up. Somehow I've got to just hug myself for doing my best, even if I "mess up" or "fail" sometimes along the way. I think a reason it's probably so hard to think God will forgive us no matter what is because it's hard for us to forgive others as well as ourselves. That's why forgiveness is so important though, it's actually vital to a happy life.
No one really has a "meter" that gauges how they are doing in life. We are all kind of guessing. But if you're out there working and trying to survive while having some fun and just being a good person along the way, then good for you. If you aren't hurting other people or any living creatures, you are blessed with empathy, compassion and a good heart and are wealthy in that alone. After I puff... I guess I feel sort of ungrateful if I let worry take over. I can say, well at least I have a healthy, happy little baby with no known medical issues. At least I live in America and have running water, constant electricity, paved roads, hospitals a plenty, generally police who aren't corrupt, rights and freedom. I can go to the store and pretty much buy any food or beverage I can think of. I have a toilet that just flushes. I have all these things, which to some people in the world are so extravagant and out of reach they can't even begin to imagine what it would be like.
And I suppose even if me or my daughter wound up with a medical condition, I would have to still be grateful during the darkest hours and the hardest trials as I find gratitude. Perhaps gratitude for health insurance to be able to try and heal the ailments, MJ + organic foods to fight off toxins, family nearby to help out...I would have to find something to be grateful for, or else I would fall apart. Weed steps in when I just can't fight my self-doubt any longer. Sometimes my faith is rock solid and sometimes it's just plain rocky. But I know I'm trying. I'm far from perfect, but I'm trying.
8:05 am
Anxiety Level - 3ish. : )
Well I will tell you...the best part about MJ is that even right now, if I wanted to be mad or stressed out, (I guess I could make myself feel those things if I really tried–but I would have to really try!) I can't help but just feel happy instead and more hopeful. It's time to go about my day, so farewell friends, and may the force be with you. : )
"The medulla oblongata is the lower half of the brainstem. In discussions of neurology and similar contexts where no ambiguity will result, it is often referred to as simply the medulla. The medulla contains the cardiac, respiratory, vomiting and vasomotor centers and deals with autonomic, (involuntary) functions, such as breathing, heart rate and blood pressure" (Wikipedia, 2013).
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